Thursday, February 28, 2013

A Reason To Live
























Ilyana Humaira,
A special bond bright the house,
A joy without thunder and lightning,
All pains left outside,
Fill my life with laugh and smiles,
Never let me bored,
Neither sad nor down,
Even cheer me up with her wonders,
"Kakak, why the sky is blue?"
"Why does the moon only come out at night?"
"Why we have to pray?"
"Why I can’t do three things at once?"
Full of why, why and why.
But dear, never ask me why I love you,
No matter how much you argue,
We can never be drawn apart,
Because you are my beloved sister,
Today, tomorrow and forever.


-evagurl-
8.30 p.m.
28/2/2013


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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Since 2006 until now








We're in the same class, same institution, same university and same state (for posting). 
Since 2006 until today.
What a moment.

:)




p/s: mood : misses everyone



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Monday, February 25, 2013

Lost #2


Bangun pagi hari ni, kepala aku berdenyut yang teramat. Baru bersiap nak pergi sekolah tapi pandangan rasa kabur, mau pitam pun ada. At last aku wat decision untuk terus ke klinik dan tidak ke sekolah.

Bila jumpa doktor, soklan pertama yang dia tanya biasalah, sakit apa. Then doc cakap, demam aku ni disebabkan antibodi aku melawan segala kuman dan virus yang masuk ke dalam tubuh. Antibodi tak berapa kuat. Lagi satu dia cakap demam lagi teruk bila emosi tak stabil. Then dia cakap dia akn kasi ubat untuk memulihkan kesihatan aku balik. He asked:

" Selain dari itu, ada apa-apa lagi yang boleh saya bantu kamu? Kamu ini macam putus semangat sudah. Seperti murung, macam tidak okay. Tambah pula dengan sakit kamu. Kalau kamu tak okay apa yang kamu akan buat untuk jadi okay balik?"

"Bila saya tak ok, satu cara untuk jadi ok.. ummm.. I have to talk. I have to communicate with others. Saya tak boleh diam. Saya perlu bersosial. Kalau tak saya jadi makin tak ok. Tu ja cara untuk saya rasa makin bersemangat dan bertenaga. Biarlah percakapan atau perbualan itu nonsense, tiada apa yang penting pun but as long as there's communication I'll feel better."

"Jadi cuba kamu berhubung sama kawan kamu, sama rakan sekerja kamu. So kamu akan rasa pulih dan selesa."


Aku tak menjawab. Payah sebenarnya, sebab dia tidak berada dalam situasi aku. Kalau diikutkan tiap hari aku berhubung dengan kawan-kawan, tapi hanya melalui facebook. Fb itu aku menaip, bukan bercakap. Tidak sama. Walaupun aku on9 24 jam dan kawan-kawan saling tegur menegur tapi aku tetap rasa sunyi. Sebab aku tidak bersuara walaupun sedikit. Balik kerja, hanya terperap dalam bilik di depan laptop setiap masa. Semua kami seisi rumah macam tu. Tiada komunikasi face to face. Yang ada berteraskan teknologi semata-mata. Haihh...

taken from Google
Mungkin ni salah satu sebab wujudnya blog aku. Sebagai tempat aku mengadu dan meluahkan segala yang terbuku di hati walaupun dengan hanya menaip dan bukan berkata-kata.

Thanks jugak kepada teman-teman blogger yang sentiasa memberi respond pada aku di setiap entry walaupun kadang-kadang entry aku mengarut je entah pape. At least you make me feel that I'm still alive. Tiap kali orang komen kat blog rasa macam eh hidup lagi aku ni rupanya.

Thank you so much. At least I know I'm not alone..






and don't leave me alone... 





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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Lost

Hp wat hal. Semua contact no dah hilang. Kosong contact list. Seriously shit. Sekarang takde sape pn aku dpt contact termasuk family sbb tak ada satu no pn yg aku igt.

Now i've become anti sosial.


D**n.
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Saturday, February 23, 2013

Never




The Crane Lady : - that was the first English storybook which my mom read to me (before I slept) when I was 5 years old. I still remember the book, the front cover, the pictures inside and that moment until today.





p/s: Sometimes we never realize that small things which we feel unnecessary are actually means a lots to children. Never ignore every single little things children want to tell or hear from you, because they might ignore and never tell you every important things that happen in their life when they grow up.





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Melayu



Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan. Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak.

Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu,
Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu,
Minangkabau memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah muaalaf bertakrif Melayu

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan

Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan
Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal tanah sebidang mudah terjual
Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba.

Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi
Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri.

Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak.

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing

Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan
Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:

"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu?

Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;

Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;

Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka


by Usman Awang.

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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Ke Mana Pergi

semua orang?

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Friday, February 15, 2013

Rezeki

image from here


Rezeki.

Kadang-kadang kita susah benar mendapatkan secebis rezeki,
mungkin kerana hubungan kita dengan Allah masih terlalu jauh.

Kadang-kadang hubungan dengan Allah kita rasa dah cukup baik,
solat terjaga, segala suruhan dilaksanakan, larangan ditinggalkan,
tapi mungkin kita ada masalah dengan hubungan sesama manusia,
menyebabkan rezeki itu lambat datang pada kita.

Kadang-kadang hubungan dengan Allah
serta manusia lain sudah cukup kita pelihara,
tapi rezeki itu masih juga payah bagi kita,
walaupun kita tengok orang lain lebih senang dan begitu mudah.
Mungkin Allah uji kita,
supaya suatu masa rezeki itu akan tiba,
walaupun terlalu lambat kita rasa,
begitu payah dan peritnya menyesakkan jiwa,
tapi jangka masa kita peroleh serta merasai nikmat rezeki itu lebih lama dari orang lain,
mungkin hingga akhir nyawa kita.

Jadi sentiasa berdoa dan bersyukur,
sebab rezeki bukan sahaja dalam bentuk wang semata-mata.
Kejayaan juga rezeki,  ilmu dan pendidikan juga rezeki,
kasih sayang, keluarga dan teman juga rezeki,
Jodoh itu juga rezeki... :)




Artinya: “Wahai Allah, limpahkanlah rahmat atas junjungan kita Nabi Muhammad Saw; sebanyak aneka rupa rizqi. Wahai Dzat Yang Maha Meluaskan rizqi kepada orang yang dikehendaki-Nya tanpa hisab. Luaskan dan banyakanlah rizqiku dari segenap setiap penjuru dan perbendaharaan rizqi-Mu tanpa pemberian dari makhluk, berkat kemurahan-Mu jua. Dan limpahkanlah pula rahmat dan salam atas dan para sahabat beliau. ” 
Penjelasan :
Doa ini dibaca setiap selesai melaksanakan solat lima waktu





Barakallahhufiikum Fiiamanillah Allah Ya Kareem 






p/s: Maafkan segala tutur kata, perbuatan atau kesilapanku yang pernah mengguris hati kalian. Maafkan aku, agar pintu rezeki itu akan terbuka luas dan menjadi lebih mudah bagiku... supaya lebih senang dan cepat untuk aku mendirikan masjid suatu hari nanti.. :')






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Penat

Ldcxia-25m0_large


Aku kira teman itu
untuk suka duka
kongsi bersama
sentiasa ada
bila saling memerlukan satu sama lain

Namun..
Hingga suatu masa,
kau sudah penat menjadi pendengar
sedangkan kau juga mahu menjadi pencerita
tetapi tiada yang mahu tahu
mahu dengar dari kamu
hanya mahu kamu pinjamkan telinga
dan mendengar luahan mereka.




Aku mahu...




berhenti.




Biarlah aku sendiri.






Agar hati aku tidak terluka lagi.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Separuh


Separuh aku, dirimu.
Kini,
Sepenuh aku, diriku.
Tiada lagi kamu.

Jika ini pilihan
dan ketentuan-Nya,
Aku redha.
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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Holiday


Masih holiday, merata tempat di Sabah ni aku jelajah.
Paling best bila ber 'trip' bersama-sama kawan.
Pengubat rindu di kampung halaman dan keluarga tersayang.
Belum sempat update blog macam selalu.
Belum ada masa blogwalking juga, ini pun on9 kejap guna wifi hotel.
Tunggulah nanti aku cerita balik kehidupan masa cuti aku.

Desa Dairy Cattle Farm



Sayang korang.

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Friday, February 8, 2013

One drop of tears


Dear diary,

Today I checked my pupils' homeworks. There's a lot of them who didn't finish the homework that I gave to them last Friday. Then I asked them to stand up while I told that I was very disappointed with them because this was not the first time the same thing happened. 

Suddenly a girl in front hold her friend's hands and she's almost fainted. Without thinking much I asked her to sit on her chair and gave her some water before I asked the rest of the class to have their seats as well. After that the bell was ringing for recess time. So I asked her to go to canteen and bought some food but she told me that she didn't bring any money. I gave her some and asked her again to eat something before the recess end.

Later in teacher's room I asked the class teacher about her. One of the teacher who was also there told me that she came from a very poor family. Sometimes when they have some food, they will be able to eat. But if there's no food left then they have to fast until few days. Sometimes there's some kind villagers who will give some money or food to them so that they can have proper meals. But most of the times they are only afford to eat a little rice with egg or just a place of rice by itself.

When I go home, I cry like there will be no tomorrow. From the first day being here made me feel like I'm one of the unlucky people who has nothing to be proud of and I can't even accept the fact that there'll be lot of things I can't get here (including most delicious food I always have). I forgot to say, to thank Allah how grateful I am for the breathe that I can have until now, for everything that I have. Yet, I don't even notice that there's my pupils, my own pupils could not even get enough food every day, sometimes they have to drink only water to fill in their stomach when it gets bloated. Can you imagine that?




For all my friends outside who are in the same shoes, we might face the same situation and hard life as well. But remember, we are here because we're chosen by Allah, He knows the best. He believes in us. 

For others, when you feel like you are the worst and the most unlucky person in the word, just remember those children who don't even have beautiful and proper clothes to be worn, no food to eat, no good house to live, just their own selves.

Be grateful, be thankful.



"Guru; kerjanya adalah pahala sepanjang zaman. - beloved father, 2013."



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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Loyalty


A woman's loyalty is tested when the man has nothing.
A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything.
- (anonymous)






Dear you,
I won't step out from you anymore,
no matter how hard it is,
how loser we will be,
because I've made my choice,
and I hope yours as well,
together we'll work it out.

Be mine,
the halal one for me,




:)



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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Syhhhhh... It's a secret

143615412_large



One secret of a teacher you might never know.

She gives punishment for her students for the wrong things they do, which sometimes make them cry like there'll be no tomorrow, even they might hate her so much.

But when she goes home she cries the most, because even though she does it for their own good but actually she feels bad everytimes she has to do that. 

The truth is as she hurts them same as she hurts herself two times more.


So.. now you know.






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Monday, February 4, 2013

A wish

Today one of the senior teacher asked me a question;

"What's your wish for this year, 2013?"

"My wish?"

"Yes, yours. Every one has their own wish every year and they'll try to make their wish become true as it should be."

"My wish for this year is..."

I stucked there.

I couldn't even think what's my wish.. because.. this year is like a rolling can.. I just follow the flow, I didn't really plan things well. Yet sometimes I felt like I was a walking zombie, I did things but I didn't really put my heart into them. No feeling at all.. *sigh*

Tonight after perform my sollah, I take time to think and inhealing myself. For those year I've been living in this dunya, I kept asking for God to help me to turn my wishes into reality. But those wishes were more to life in dunya, whereby most of the time I wish to have a happy and wealthy life, perfect in everything. Sadly to say, I didn't ask or wish for the best of the world hereafter. I almost cry when I think of my past and those sins I've made. I couldn't imagine how my life after death would be.. *tears*

Now I've my wish, and I'll pray that it will become true someday.


My wish is...

I want to meet a prophet p.b.u.h.  Whether in a dream, or after my last breathe, it doesn't matter.. as long as I can meet and see him, that will be the best wish I ever have.

Please...








I know God will always listen :)

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Sunday, February 3, 2013

Nur yang hilang




Titik hitam itu memulakan langkah,
menutupi sinaran,
melingkungi kegelapan.

Tatkala mataku terbuka,
annur itu semakin hilang.

Saat ku mencari bahgia,
derita yang kunjung tiba,
melemahkan iman di dada.

Saat ku kejar gembira,
pintu aljannah ku musnahkan,
hancur tiada kesan.

Pabila ku menyedari,
tasbihku terlerai dari genggaman,
ku berpaling kepada-Nya,
ku sujud memohon keampunan,
ku bisikkan doa keinsafan,
ku panjatkan pintaku pada yang Esa,
ku sandarkan hidupku sepenuhnya,
mengharapkan kembalinya annur itu,
membawaku kepada keredhaan-Nya..

-evagurl-
17/2/2010
12 a.m.


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Friday, February 1, 2013

Sebelum dan selepas

Entry kali ni edisi tayang muka. Sila sediakan bakul atau plastik untuk isi muntah.


Kalau dah nama perempuan bab-bab muka ni memang sensitip.

Naik jerawat sebijik pun kecoh satu dunia. Apatah lagi kalau berbijik-bijik.

Tension woo...

Actually kulit muka aku bukan jenis bermasalah pun. Takde la licin mulus tapi kira kategori ok la.

Lepas tu lebih kurang sebulan lepas aku pi tukar set pencuci muka. Kononnya nak try satu produk ni sebab member aku kalut dok promote cakap kalau pakai best la, kulit jd lg flawless, berseri-seri and bla-bla. 

Disebabkan itu aku pun cuba memberanikan diri nak cuba produk tersebut.

Lepas dekat 2 minggu pakai hamek ko.

Dah macam kena bedil berdas-das muka aku.

Jerawat tumbuh non stop. Lepas tu kulit jadi kusam dan tak bermaya, makin gelap pulak tu.

Tsk tsk tsk T.T

Kalau tak percaya tengok la gambar di bawah. Dua-dua aku tak edit langsung ni. Memang straight from camera.


sebelum





selepas

Gambar first tu taun lepas punya, zaman kurus lagi tu. Kehkeh. See, tak ada masalah muka kan. Tapi kalau tengok yang 2nd tu nampak kesan-kesan parut jerawat yang tak berapa nak jelas sebab camera hp aku memang low quality. Gambar kedua ni baru amik tadi tau.

Aku dah tak berani nak pakai produk pape dah. Buat masa sekarang aku cuci muka dengan air je. Pergi sekolah tak pakai make up pape pun. Compaq powder pun aku tak pakai. Haihhh... Runsing aku sebenarnya ni. Macam tak ada seri dah muka aku. Dahla yang tak berapa nak lawa dah. Kena pulak kulit bermasalah. Bertambah-tambah la ketaklawaan aku  (T.T)  Kadang-kadang rasa nak nangis bila pikir kalau masalah ni tak selesai dan makin teruk jadinya. Camne aku nak naik pelamin wei. Buruk ah nanti. Kang lari pengantin lelaki. Sobsss sobsss sobsss :'(

Dahlah, aku nak sambung belek muka depan cermin. 


Good night.


*psycho*

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