Sunday, January 29, 2012

A lil bit of something to share



Got this from facebook. 

We always ask God why we only find the wrong people, where is the right one for us? I do think the same, sometimes. But now I just pray for the best, I just hope that 'my Imam' will find me someday, and I believe that he'll be the best Imam for his Makmum. Ameennnnn...

Girls, la tahzan, just pray to Allah, He knows who's the best for you. Insha Allah :)


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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Under adversity

I really need Him and him..





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Monday, January 23, 2012

Emotional

Lately I find that most of the things turn out in difficult ways, until I feel like giving up, and I just want to go to top of the hill, shout out loud and cry until the last drop of tears left.

First, this time will be my last practicum, so I really hope that I can do it well. Even though I was a bit blur at a first place when I came into the school, but I forced myself, I tried hard to adapt to the new culture. Still there's so much things go beyond my control. What else should I say? Sometimes I blame our education system, too much emphasize on exam. Our education is totally exam oriented. Pupils go to school for the sake of exam, not because of purpose for their own life. Pity them.

Second, since I was a bit unstable at that moment, I don't think I can be alone. All my friends went back to their hometown for Chinese New Year holidays, I really wanted to go home too, but all tickets to Kelantan had sold out. My mom didn't allow me to drive to Kelantan by myself since it was a 'heavy' jam and I might get cramped or stuck along the way. So I had to stay in Malacca, alone.  Alone. Thus, I made a last minute decision to go to my friend house, somewhere in Vista Angkasa. I thought I might be able to relax my mind and rest after a whole week of not enough sleep. But then, I was totally wrong. With non-stop sounds of lrt, cars, people and etc, I got a big headache. Or I should consider it as migrain. I couldn't sleep, I kept hearing those sounds until morning, and it's like the rolling stone bumped into my head. At last, I drove back to Malacca.. Alone, again.

Third, I don't understand why Malaysian love to judge people because of their past. What do you feel when you want to ask for some advices from your friends who know you for quite a long time, then they kept blaming you, saying that "Haa tu laa, nak sangat jadi model kn dulu. Padan muka ko. Sekarang baru rasa." What the hell? After all, is that what I'm supposed to hear from them? Aren't they supposed to support me to change, not to make me down by telling my mistakes repeatedly and giving no advice at all. Yes, I was a sinner, being a model was a big sin I've ever made, as it make you to see me as the worst girl ever. But that was in the past. In the PAST. Can't you differentiate between the past, the present and the future? We are all human, so who are you to judge people? Durrhh.. Come on people!

Oh I really want to throw away this feeling... I want to be a better person. I wish to open a door of jannah for my father and my mother, complete half of deen of my future husband (don't know who he is), and become a good mother for my children. I need some guidances, I have to improve myself. I don't to want to be a loser someday, who lying on the bed, waiting for Malaikat Izrael to come with regret of life which will never be healed... No..

Btw, I think Shahid Kapoor is so handsome and sweet, don't you think so?




Thanks for reading! :-)


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Friday, January 20, 2012

First Week

When I first stepped in that school, I didn't think that this will be the school which I was dreaming for. Noisy pupils, 'kerek' teachers, fierce headmistress, hot weather and bla bla bla. The first day in school wasn't a happy day at all. I went home hopelessly.

Same goes to the second day. After I got my timetable, I entered Year 3 Arif. Truthfully speaking, I had a big problem of classroom management (classroom control). Boys ran here, ran there, girls kept talking, yet all of them turned the class to be a 'pasar borong'. They screwed up everything. Thus they made my stress level went to the up. Moreover, I didn't have an enough sleep as I needed to prepare those teaching aids, lesson plan, murals, portfolio and etc. Again, I went home with tears. Lots of things kept lingering in my mind. It's like.. I had no idea how I'm gonna handle everything in a short of time. AAaaaaaaaaaa

Hurm... with tons of other problems and troubles, I felt like I'd lost myself. Sometimes I hurt other's feelings until I didn't feel like talking to anyone, I just want to be alone. I wondered whether I was in the right profession. Should I give up then? What am I going to do if I quit? Then I got a phone call from my mom. After seeking for some advices, I thought I should change my mindset. Why should I be so serious with those pupils, why don't I see them, teach them with my heart?

After some preparation, I managed to change my plan, I organized the interesting activities in the class and they enjoyed it so much. Yay! Bravo. Give a big clap to myself *wink*. Although there are some other things which are not settled yet, every morning when I see my pupils, look into their sincere eyes, their smiles and laugh, all my pains have washed away. Yes, those pains are gone. My pupils - they are one of the reason why I'm still standing until now.. =)

Day 1 - Write their own sentences using the words given.
-_- 

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Sunday, January 8, 2012

Aku dan Hostel #3 : Gelaran

Masa tahun 2001, budak lelaki ngan perempuan tak bercampur. Kelas pun asing-asing dari form 1 sampai form 5. Setiap form ada 3 kelas untuk student pompuan dan 3 kelas untuk student lelaki. Tapi bila naik form 2, Abuya (Pengetua) start sistem baru. Dah takde sistem bilik darjah asing-asing ikut gender, semua kena bercampur. Aku kena masuk kelas 2 PE 3, kawan baik aku Ajah dapat masuk kelas lain. Nasib baik kelas form 2 tingkat paling atas dan setiap kelas bersebelahan. So takde la jauh sangat. Senang nak berjalan ke kelas lain jumpa member bergossip.

Permulaan aku di kelas baru tak begitu baik. Aku dah biasa belajar dalam kelas yang semua perempuan. Time prep nak landing ke, nak meniarap ke, nak berguling-guling ke takde sape kisah. Tapi lepas combine kelas tu sumpah rasa terkongkong dan tak bebas langsung. Semua benda nak kena jaga. Pergi prep tak pakai sarung kaki pun kena sound. Bising sket pun kena tegur suara tu aurat. Dah la time tu aku jenis anti lelaki. Haremm takde sorang pun budak laki kelas aku yang aku tegur. Tiap kali pandang diorang secara automatik aku terbayang muka diorang macam Undertaker.

Kedudukan kelas 2 PE 3

Ketua kelas aku, Naqiuddin seorang yang berdedikasi, perasan hensem dan selalu tido dalam kelas. Hisyham, pengawas berlesung pipit, selalu makan gula-gula dan suka pakai T-shirt hitam dan baju Melayu merah gelap. Raymi a.k.a Raymeow muka cute macam kucing. Tasha dan Nadia kawan baik dari form 1 lagi. Wani Bulat dan Jaa dua-dua kecik cinonet comel je. Hadri, seorang yang agak warak, pendiam dan sopan. Fathy, Ayu dan Aza gadis yang bejurus, lawa dan ayu, stok pilihan mak mertua untuk dibuat menantu. Perghh. Naim, si tinggi, putih, ramai peminat sebab die hensem macam Johnny Depp tapi mulut laser nak mampuih macam Maggi kari berapi letup. Sehari tak gaduh ngan aku memang tak sah. Ceit. Redha, seorang budak baik, bijak, innocent, memiliki hidung tinggi macam KLCC dan satu-satunya kawan baik lelaki aku time tu. Redha tak pernah gaduh, marah or melawan bila aku buli dia. Tiap kali dapat buku teks baru Redha la tukang balut semua buku teks aku. Bila homework aku tak siap, aku tiru Redha. Kalau aku bosan dalam kelas, Redha la mangsa yang kena kacau ngan aku. Paling tak leh blah aku selalu tanya; "Wei, mung rase aku comey macam Karishma Kapoor dop? Baik mu oyak comey, kalu dok siak mum!"  Si Redha ni plak layan jee aku, cakap aku sebijik sejiban macam artis hindustan tu. Macam siot. Haha.

Sorang lagi, Faisyal, manusia yang paling suka cari pasal ngan aku. Kitorang panggil dia Pesa. Pesa ni selalu pedajal aku. Time aku lambat datang kelas, die ketuk 'duster' yang penuh dengan habuk kapur kat atas meja ngan kerusi aku. Habis melekat kat situ. Kadang-kadang dia letak chewing gum kt bawah meja aku. Buku-buku aku pun selalu kena sorok. Pendek kata hampir tiap masa aku naik hangin ngan mamat buncit sorang ni. Dahlah time aku siapkan homework ke, dok menulis ke, dia selalu pusing belakang dan pandang kat aku macam aku buat salah. Stok roti yang aku simpan dalam loker belakang pun selalu kena kebas ngan dia. Buku lyric lagu Backstreet Boys yang aku sorok pun habis dia conteng, wat lukis orang lidi.

Satu petang tu aku datang prep lewat. Aku tak perasan Pesa ada kat belakang aku. Masa aku nak duduk atas kerusi aku si Pesa tarik kerusi aku senyap-senyap. Tiba-tiba..

Bammmmm...

Tak pasal-pasal aku jatuh terduduk atas lantai. Syiokk je bontot aku cium lantai. Satu kelas gelakkan aku. Harem jadah aku mana la nak pandang belakang time nak duduk. Aku pun apalagi. Dengan muka merah padam aku bangun dan pandang dia. Kononnye nak kasi penumbuk ah. Dalam keadaan marah tu kening aku terangkat sebelah luar kesedaran kenormalan aku. Si Pesa ni yang tadinya muka cuak tiba-tiba gelak macam nak mati sambil cakap; 'Woi Kening ko terangkat macam The Rock (ahli gusti) woo, hahahahaha.'

Lagi kuat aku kena gelak ngan budak kelas aku. Pastu aku blah pi study kat kelas lain. Malas nak layan. Selepas itu tiap kali aku pegi mane-mane ade je orang buat sound 'If you smell...', pastu satu geng sambung 'What The Rock is cookingg!!' sambil ketawakan aku kuat-kuat. Siyesly aku rasa macam shit. Ni semua keje si Pesa. Pfffttt. Tapi lama-lama aku jadi biasa ngan ejekan diorang. Sampaikan ustaz B. Arab kelas aku pun panggil aku The Rock. Sejak hari tu nama aku bertukar dari Izma jadi The Rock, panggilan tu macam dah sebati ngan diorang. Even sekarang pun kalau time reunion kalau ada yang tanya mana Izma, sume pakat wat muka blurr. Bila sebut nama The Rock baru diorang ingat aku. Haha aisehmemm~

Paling tak tahan masa dapat majalah sekolah sebelum akhir tahun semua pakat sign autograph kat dalam majalah aku dengan ucapan If you smell what The Rock is cookinggg!~

budak lelaki batch aku

p/s: Aku teruja gile babem bile tengok video Faradyable alih suara The Rock. Hebat ouh! *tepuk tangan*


Klik untuk baca entry:

Aku dan Hostel #1
Aku dan Hostel #2

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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Aku dan Hostel #2 : Satu Malam

Dulu aku memang suka tengok movie. Sanggup kumpul duit sebab nak beli video tape yang besaq kaler hitam macam beg nenek. Time tu mane ade cd lagi beb. Tapi bila masuk alam persekolahan mood nak bermovie makin kurang sebab aku ke sekolah berasrama. TV pun ada sebijik je diorang letak kat kantin. Jangankan movie, telenovela pun tak lepas tengok. Ada la jugak time prep petang aku ngan member aku, Ajah pi curi-curi tengok citer Rosalinda. Tu pun tak pernah dapat tengok lebih 5 minit sebab kena kejar dek warden kitorang, Cikgu Juka.

Ada sekali tu angin Cikgu Juka agak baik. Dia kasi permission kat budak-budak lelaki untuk tengok tayangan cerita Blok 404 dengan syarat kena tengok pada malam hujung minggu sebab takde prep. Masa tu memang femes pun cite tu sebab budak-budak yang dok kat rumah cakap best. Ape yang best pun aku tak taw. Aku la manusia paling excited bila taw pasal tayangan ni tapi aku tak puas hati sebab budak pompuan diorang tak kasi tengok. Budak lelaki je yang lepas. Aku pun apalagi. Start plan A ah. Aku ngan Ajah pegi jumpa abg Fazna dan Shahiru, ketua library kitorang yang incharge pasal tayangan ni. Setelah setengah jam pujuk rayu menangis meleleh depan diorang, baru abg-abg tu bagi kitorang join dengan syarat kitorang kena dok belakang sekali sebab kitorang je pelajar pompuan. Belakang pun belakang la bang. Asal dapat tengok.

Sebelum start tayangan tu, semua budak lelaki pandang kitorang semacam. Mcm kitorang kesah, wat derk je la. Jenis muka tak tau malu. Tapi diorang saje je nak kenakan kitorang. Budak-budak lelaki yang dok kat belakang saje je bangun dari kerusi dan tengok sambil berdiri sebab diorang tak nak bagi kitorang nampak. Jenis berlagak macam dinding plak nak halang pandangan kitorang. Dahla sorang sorang tinggi nak mampuih. Aku masa tu cinonet je, memang tak lepas ah nak tengok. Last-last aku ngan Ajah blah dari situ dengan perasaan bengang bercampur bangang.

Masa on the way nak balik hostel, kitorang kena lalu tangga hujung. Tepi tangga tu ada kabel a.k.a suis utama yang menyambungkan semua plak-plak dan wayar lampu di sekolah kitorang termasuk la plak TV yang tengah tayang cite tu. Dengan muka innocent dan idea bernas Ajah suruh aku tutup suis utama tu. Bila dah blackout tak yah mimpi ah diorang nak tengok cerita tu. Confirm meraung punye. Tiba-tiba..

Papppppppppp....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Riuh suara budak-budak lelaki menjerit. Aku ngan Ajah lari pecut wo0 balik hostel sebelum diorang terserempak dengan kami. Nasib aku tak berapa baik sebab sorang budak form 4 ternampak aku pastu die menjerit bagitau kat semua orang. Ajah sempat lepas masuk hostel tapi aku kena kepung ngan semua budak aspura. Depa buat muka gangster mengalahkan taiko. Mana tak bengang. Cerita tu tinggal 15 minit lagi nak habis. Kalau 'on' suis elektrik tu balik, cd driver tu takleh rewind or forward sebab button die rosak. So nak tak nak diorang kena start tengok dari mula balik. Segala maki hamun sumpah seranah keluar dari mulut diorang. Ada senior form 5 yang bawak kayu lagi, kononnya nak gertak aku supaya takut. Aku tak nampak hape dah time tu, aku terbayang roti kismis kat bilik aku je sebab perut aku lapa gile seh. Dengan muka cute aku cakap kat diorang aku tak tau ape pun, kononnya aku baru je lalu kat situ. Haram jadah sape nak percaya statement genius aku. Dah terang-terang takde orang lain yang lalu kat kabel tu. Haha.

Suasana makin tegang bile sorang senior form 4 ni nak tampar aku tapi budak laki kelas aku sempat halang. Nasib baik abg Fazna dan abg Shahiru datang menteteramkan keadaan. Pastu diorang yang lepaskan aku pegi. Sampai kat hostel semua kawan pompuan aku dok tunggu dalam bilik. Ni mesti keje si Ajah bagitau kat diorang. Muka diorang 99x lagi cuak daripada aku. Walaweh. Aku slumber je masuk bilik minum Milo makan roti dan tido dengan tenang. Haha. Haha lagi -_-

Keesokannya aku kena panggil ke bilik Pengetua sebab hal semalam. Cikgu Juka pun ada sama dok tunggu dalam bilik Pengetua. Warden aku yang sorang ni memang dah lama suspek aku dalam kes naik aspura (klik utk rujuk entry naik aspura) tapi aku tak dapat dikenakan tindakan pape sebab takde bukti. Bila naik kes ni, dia la orang first pegi report kat Pengetua. Diorang contact parents aku suruh datang sekolah. Actually dah banyak kali Pengetua (kitorang panggil dia Abuya) kol parents aku sebab aku memang agak nakal kat sekolah. Kali ni ayah aku nekad nak datang dan tukarkan aku ke sekolah lain. Abuya tak kasi sebab Abuya memang baik ngan aku. Abuya cakap selagi aku tak lepas PMR, dia takkan bagi aku pindah sekolah, lagi satu dia cakap dia yakin aku akan score dlm PMR. Then dia bagitau kat semua kalau result PMR aku cemerlang dia akan buat jamuan besar-besaran untuk semua cikgu. Macam bernazar pulak. Wuhuu~

Dekat nak exam PMR tu aku kurangkan kenakalan aku dan struggle gile babem sebab aku dah janji ngan Abuya nak buktikan aku boleh. Nasib aku baik sebab aku dapat straight A kecuali subjek Bahasa Arab sebab ustazah tu garang. Haha memandai je. Ayah aku orang paling happy kot time tu. Mane tak nye. 3 tahun aku kat asrama, aku tak taw la berapa juta kali cikgu-cikgu kol mengadu pasal aku. Lepas tu ayah aku isi borang pertukaran aku ke sekolah lain. Abuya tak nak lepas aku, berulang kali dia pujuk ayah aku tak nak kasi aku pegi sekolah lain. Tapi ayah aku nekad, dia tak kasi dah aku stay jauh2. Dia nak aku sekolah kat area Kota Bharu, dekat sket dengan rumah aku.

Aku ingat aku dah free sebab lepas keluar dari penjara tu tapi rupa-rupanya hujan di tengah jalan. Mati-mati aku ingat ayah aku tukarkan aku ke sekolah harian biasa, so dah takde subjek B. Arab dah pasni. Rupanya aku kena masuk SMKA jugak, tapi girl school. No no boys anymore. Nak tak nak dengan berat hati aku pegi la jugak sekolah tu. Dah la kena dok hostel jugak. Alahai..

Lepas keluar sekolah lama seriously aku rindu gile sekolah tu. Dulu masa kat sana memberontak macam harem, bila dah keluar baru taw betapa bestnye kat situ. Sekolah baru best jugak, tapi tak sebest sekolah lama sebab takde aspura nak kena panjat. Haha. Yang paling takleh blah dulu aku rasa semua budak lelaki sekolah lama aku tak suka aku. Hari-hari kot dok kutuk aku. Tapi masa aku ngan Ajah nak pindah sekolah banyak la pulak dapat surat request nak jadi abg angkat kitorang. Perghhh perghhhh pergghhhh.



ni rakan-rakan sekolah baru
Siapa berjaya teka mane satu aku, dia bijak macam Farady. Eheh ;-)

clue : yang paling sopan. awwww

Sekian sahaja. Aku rasa penulisan entry kali ni agak skema, macam bukan aku. Mungkin kerana hormon untuk menjadi seorang guru semakin bertambah. Atau mungkin aku terkena sumpahan cikgu aku dulu supaya menjadi seorang skema. Wahaa~ Lantak pi la.



p/s: Zaman remaja adalah zaman paling memberontak dan paling banyak buat silap. That's normal. Tak semestinya remaja yang dulunya teruk akan selamanya menjadi teruk. People changed. Mungkin dulu kau yang paling nakal, paling dibenci tapi mungkin in future kau yang paling dihormati dan disayangi. Satu masa nanti kau akan tergelak sendiri bila teringat kisah silam kau. At least you have those memories which others don't have, as it's also means that you are the lucky one. Just be who you are  =)
Hoyeah, hidup mesti skema bhai! ( tak pasal2 ) -_-

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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Steps

Last night I was walking on the road silently and alone. Suddenly out of nowhere, an old man appeared. He had a beautiful smile and he wore a white jubah. Then he came closed to me.

He didn't talk. He just stared into my big black eyes. He seemed like..someone that familiar to me, but I can't remember whom. He gave some signs, which means he wanted me to follow him. I can't remember what happened next, only that I followed him until we reached one of this place. Suddenly he disappeared. That place was so dark, I couldn't see anything and I felt so scared. My legs were cramped. I couldn't move at all.

I was almost cried. I called out everyone, my family, my friends. But no one there to help me. Suddenly someone appeared in my mind. I uttered his name slowly, with a last hope. (Sorry I can't tell the name here, it's kind of privacy as some of you might know who he is). Then I heard a voice, I didn't know what was it and where it came from. And I felt the wind blowing to my face, whispered something that I couldn't understand at all.

Then, I woke up.. dazed and confused.


Is that dream a nightmare or is it a sign? What's that means actually?



Perhaps I'm thinking too much. Hmmm...

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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Alternative Shoutbox of Shoutmix : Shout.Busuk.org

Hello beloved readers. Without a further delay, let me introduce something new to you!
Yezza. It's a shoutbox which is so-called Shout.Busuk.org. (click to go to the page)

mine! ^_^

What's so special about this shoutbox?

1. Real-time chat
You don't have to refresh your shoutbox everytime you want to check out your new message. It'll  automatically update! In other words, it's a real-time chat. Yeah, real time, not a dream time. Haha =P

2. Custom smilies
It has around 100 emoticons of smilies, special for you! In fact, you can use your own smiley, then you can choose whether you want to use it with the existing smilies or use it on its own.

3. Theme Customizable
You can customize the theme colour and choose your favourite colour to match with your webpage or blog. If you're gay, you better don't use the red colour. If you're straight, don't use the red colour. Haha. Kidding you! 

4. BadWord Filter
If you don't like any harsh, bad or 'sensitive' words, you can filter those words and replace them with another words. It's as easy as a smile =)

5. Ban System
You can use the ban system to ban anyone from using or posting in your shoutbox. That's means you can stop those crazy maddy people outside there who keep disturbing you without a shame. You go babe!

6. Online user counter
It shows how many online users who use your shoutbox at that time.  Isn't it so so great when you can see lots of people online and sharing within themselves? Whoaaaaa~ I can see your excited face! *wink*

7. Free of charge
It's free! Again, it's FREE! Again and again, it's FREE beb! You don't have to sell your used clothes or your old underwear just because you want to pay for something that you need! Just sign up and then you can start using it! Wuhuu~


How to use it?

1. Sign up here.
2. Customize the colour or the font as much as you want.
3. Copy the code.
4. Paste the code on your blog widget

 
So what are you waiting for?

Try it! Trust me you won't regret it and you'll like it thousand times more than others! Walaweh~

p/s: For any comments or problems, send your email to busuk.org@gmail.com

Happy using. Peace yo!



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