The drops from the black heart

For moments in my entire life,
some people stand like mannequin,
with their words that seem to ring in my eardrums,
they stared daringly into my weak and solemn eyes,
as they were glistening as if a layer of wet plastic covered them.

Physically I seemed to be without pity or compassion,
but emotionally I drained of love 
and hungered for it,
but my heart kept broken,
it felt like everything in it leaked out,
leaving it empty and hallow,
as the vacant spot somehow thruster forward,
unreasonable anger and rage.

I broke the tense silence,
I wanted to blurt out all my anguish,
inside I was falling apart,
but I still stayed composed,
stayed as cold as stone.
maybe it's not too late,
my heart spoke to myself,
the words pierced me in a way undesirable.

I slammed the door shut,
I ran to corner and cried my heart out,
I huddled in a ball like a baby,
for all tears wiped, I could have made a fortune.
I lifted my head,
I felt unbelievable heavy,
and the halls burrowing deeper into my hands,
it send painful sensations all over and over.

I peered out the window,
end lightened myself,
looking at the beautiful sky,
as stars scattered every where.

I took a deep breathe,
and listened to the sounds of the night,
words seems to be be too frail at this instance,
I closed my eyes, hugged the wind, 
and the nightingale said to me,
everything would be fine after all.
they will... 


Insha Allah.


- evagurl, Monday, 26th December 2011 , 3 a.m. -

Eternal Love

Why are you so sad,
and why it is so bad,
when someone leaves you behind,
won't you ever know,
don't you realize,
it's just a part of life.
when you fall in love,
with someone sometime,
it's a smile with a broken heart.
only falling in love with Allah..
the hands of love survive,
no mountain too high when there's a will,
come to Allah you will never fail.
Insha Allah  =)



Dear friends,
Sometimes we keep thinking and wondering why we still don't find the right one, why do the tears fall for someone who was never belong to us, why we always love someone we never had, why we can't be happy like others, why things are so hard for us, why why why and why... Just remember that God is compassionate towards all. So be trustworthy, turns our faces to Allah, Insha Allah we will find the sunshine everywhere..

p/s: Ya Allah... sinarkanlah nur hidayahMu ke dalam nuraniku.. Semoga jodohku adalah seorang insan yang menyintaiMu.. Tetapkanlah jiwa dan cinta kami padaMu, demi keagunganMu, di bawah naungan ArasyMu, pada hari tiada payungan selain dari payunganMu.. 

Early Marriage and Late Marriage

It's already 2 a.m. I'm awake after ten minutes of sleep because of a dream. The dream of my beloved aunt...


Last year, my second aunt (a wife of my mom's brother) was being informed by the doctor that she had a breast cancer and it's in the final stage. So she had to stay in the hospital for the chemotherapy. Since her eldest daughter had a final exam and her husband had some important work to be settled, I was willing to help her and be with her at the hospital for two nights as my holiday was just started. Her condition was so bad. It became worst during the second night. She could not sleep, so she held my hands, looked through my eyes and said;

"Do you know..When I first met your uncle, I didn't like him and I really gave him a very bad impression. But then, things changed drastically. Later, we got married at the early twenty and we had kids. I ended up as a housewife to take care of my children. Being with my family, watching my children grow up, sharing their laughs and tears are the best moment I ever have. I'm gonna miss them so much.. Hurm.."

pic from Google

She stopped for a while. Then she continued; "Well, how about you? Do you any special one? Perhaps sooner or later, who knows right?"

I just keep silence. Then I said;

"Umm.. I will not get married until I reach the age of 26 and above. I want to collect a lot of money, further my study, perform umrah and hajj, buy my own dream car and a big house. After that I want to travel all over the world. I don't want to waste my youth by marrying any guy and end up with a feeling of regret because I do not enjoy my life to the fullest as I am supposed to."

She smiled and touched my hair. Then she said;

"I never dream to let go all I have in this way. I never expect to end up my life in the ward. No one want this to happen. But there's no way out, nothing I can do. Look, listen here my dear. It's normal for the youngster like you to enjoy your life, dream of the best things and grab all chances that come to you. But how long the time that you has? Will you be able to know that? I have lived a full life. I have the lovely siblings, went to school, met a good friends, have a responsible husband and beautiful children, experience my life like other woman. If I waited and got married late, I might never have it all."

She pulled me closer and hugged me. "You only have one life. Think about it dear, so that you will never regret it for the rest of your life."

That's the last words that I heard from her. She passed away a few days after, in her sleep, with a sincere smile and few drops of tears on her cheeks.

After she gone, I always think of my future. I start to change myself, my thought. Life is not as easy as we want it to be. A lot of things happen everyday. How can we be sure what will be happen tomorrow? Are we waiting until the day? We always waste our time by enjoying so much. What if the our time end up early and we lost it forever?

My aunt died young. Although she was not here anymore, she still have children who keep praying for her every day, like a rose in a garden. At least she always 'alive' in her children hearts until their last breathe.

I remember my ustaz had told me that if you lived for 80 years and you've been committing haram in your years, your life is totally nothing. But if you only lived for 20 years and you've been do 'amal' for those years, the door of Jannah is widely open for you. Isn't having a family is part of the 'amal' too?



"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count but life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

It's a holiday

Oh hello beloved followers and readers.

It's quite a long time that I've left this blog, not because I don't want to write anymore, but because of some reasons which are totally out of my control.

Last Monday I went to SBPI Gombak because my brother had an interview there. I met my IIUM lecturer, Dr Suhailah who was also accompanied her son for the interview. She said that there were almost 600+ of 5A's pupils all over the states who sent the application forms to enter that boarding school. However, only 67 pupils who were chosen for the interview including my brother and the school will choose only 34 of those 67 pupils. 67 out of 600+ and only 34 will be the luckiest to enter this school. Crazy enough right? Haha. Even year 6 pupils have to compete with each other to enter the best school, how about the IPT students? It must be harder. Btw, I just hope that the interviewers accept and give one of 34 opportunities to my brother. We all really pray for him. Insha Allah.

non stop raining

Now I'm in my hometown, Kelantan. It's very cold here, yet it's raining cats and dogs. Seems like some of the place in this state are already flooded. Luckily my house is in town area, so it's save from the flood. However, I can't go anywhere because some roads are closed and that heavy rain blinds me from driving out. Ahhh. I feel like Im in a prison, stuck and bored. Another bad thing is I can't watch Astro at all because the 'signal' or so-called decoder is being 'disturbed' due to the heavy rain, thus it's like we pay it for nothing. *sigh* Moreover, since I only have a broadband, the internet connection is so damned slow. Sometimes it can't connect at all. Perhaps this problem is also affected by the rain. Erkk.. So there's nothing that I can do for this one-month-holiday except sleeping, eating and watching movies from my external hard disk. Ouh sooooo unfair~

Almost 6 years

I am in a relationship with studies and it's complicated. 

pic from here

Just want to inform that I have finished my last paper this morning and it's a big relief! Fuh! 
After almost six years of learning, now I'm looking towards the end. 
I mean the end of degree, not phd yet =P
No more exam, only practical left. 
April 2012, I'll be graduated!

Insya Allah~



There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning. - Jiddu Krishnamurti

Exam Schedule

09/11/11
EDC 4101
Teaching of Writing in Primary Schools
(9.00 – 11.30 am) (2 ½ hrs)
 INVIGILATORS - RRM & IK
  
10/11/11
EDC 2218
Testing and Evaluation
(9.00 – 11.30 am) (2 ½ hrs)
INVIGILATORS - ANJ & BG
 
 11/11/11
EDC 3501
Teaching of Local Studies
(9.00 – 11.30 am) (2 ½ hrs)
INVIGILATORS - RRM & CML

14/11/11
EDC 4213
Teaching Literature to Young Learners
(9.00– 11.30 am) (2 ½ hrs)
INVIGILATORS - BG & CML
  
15/11/11
EDC 4211
Teaching of Grammar in Primary Schools
(9.00 – 11.30 am) (2 ½ hrs)
INVIGILATORS - ANJ & IK

Sometimes

things didn't work out successfully,
things happen in all of sudden,
things can't be fixed at all..

Strength..
Spirit..
Forgiveness..

Everything's gonna be okay..
Insha Allah..

What's wrong with you??

Watch the video here

The fact is people nowadays are mutants, not human. Did you watch transformers? The Decepticons? Robots? Yeah. We are no difference from them. In terms of physical appearance, you can say that we did not look the same. But when it comes into emotional part, no difference at all.  In other words, they don't have heart at all. I wonder where their humanities fall. Perhaps watching the child suffered on the road without any help is the normal daily case happens in their culture. Damn. Seriously damn.

Think. If that girl is your own daughter, sister, or family member, how would you feel? Oh. Can't you feel it?

If you watch this video without any feeling at all (whether it's sad, sorrow, upset, down and etc), then I'm bet that you're a part of them. Yes, a part of those Chinese people. Shame on you!

Those people should be the one who were struck by the drivers, not that girl.

Pity on her... :-(

*tears*


p/s: I pray that Malaysian still have the humanity.. in themselves..

My Roommate

Did I tell you about my roommate?

Yes, I have a roommate.

Her name is Fina.

Fina is sweet and pretty,

Fina loves to sleep,

Fina likes cat,

She always call the cats in our hostel 'Sayang'

Fina likes quotes,

Everyday she read aloud lots of quotes to me.

She will open her laptop and says:

"Look, listen here"

Then she will read each quotes that she finds

My daily life is full with her reading quotes

The routine are after the class, during evening and before we sleep.

Everytime she reads them up,

I will say "Wait a minute, can you repeat?"

After that I'll post her quotes on my Facebook status,

with lots of likes from others.

One night, 

while I was staying up to finish my works,

Fine woke up and said,

"I can't sleep at all'

Then she looked at her Blackberry

and read out loud the quotes for me until she slept

Haha.. So cute.

There is one quote that she likes the most. It sounds;

"If women do not exist, then all money in this world would have no meaning"

True indeed right?

There was one time,

when I felt upset and down because of certain people,

she smiled and said,

"The best way to make people remember you.. is to borrow money from them"

I laugh and laugh,

because she had turned my worry into a smile.

That's the best thing,

and the best part of Fina.

I love my roommate Fina,

I'll be missing our moments together,

Thanks for always making my day

and thanks for all quotes that we share,

Thanks for everything, Fina

:-)

Felt Keychain (Handmade)

Currently I'm addicted to 'sewing and making hand craft!' Seriously bila dah start menjahit, confirm susah nak stop.Tak tahulah kenapa. Rasanya kalau study untuk final exam pun takde lah bersemangat bersungguh sangat macam menjahit. Lol. Memandangkan sekarang semua assignment dah submit, so masa free tu ada la sikit sebelum final exam awal bulan November ni. Haa nak tau tak ape kebende yang saya dok kusyuk jahit setiap masa? Taraaaaaa... ni dia:

T-SHIRT

 front

 back

T-shirt ni adalah percubaan pertama saya. Agak weird di situ. Masa tu saya cuba menggunakan benang biasa dan bukan benang embroidery. Embroidery thread lagi lawa!

NAME

specially made as birthday gift for my friend, Nadia ;-)

HANDBAG

Request dari Qeela untuk letak kat kunci kereta

LOVE

CUPCAKE

 front

 back

SOCK

 front

back

Kalau korang nak tahu, 'keychain' ni dibuat dengan menggunakan kertas felt (felt paper), benang sulam  (embroidery thread) dan kapas (cotton wool). Felt paper ni agak 'costy' sikit berbanding dengan kain atau kertas biasa sebab ianya agak tebal dan lembut. Lagi satu kertas felt ni boleh dibasuh (washable). So kalau kotor ke ape, boleh cuci dengan air, tak jadi masalah. Mudah kan?

percubaan menjahit buat pertama kali. huhu

Bendanya simple je. Tapi bukan main susah nak 'cut' dan jahit sebab keychain ni semua bersaiz kecil. Semakin kecil semakin susah nak potong dan nak jahit ikut rupa bentuk masing-masing. Kalau jahit mesin kejap je boleh siap. Tapi bila jahitan tangan ni agak amik masa la sket. Lenguh jari wa cakap lu. Haihh. Tapi minat punya pasal kan. Tak kisahlah kalau bersengkang mata pun asalkan hasilnya memuaskan hati saya sendiri. Hee ;-)

guitar ni belum siap dan belum diperkemaskan lagi, still in progress

Semalam masa tengah siapkan satu lagi keychain yang baru, roomate saya cakap:

"Ehs, ko buat semua ni nak kasi sape wes?"


"Takde kasi sape pun. Saje je buat. Seronok weyh. Ko patut try ah, confirm takleh stop. Haha."


"Why don't you try to sell it? Aku rasa ko bleh wat business kot ngan jual mende ni. Mesti laku punye. Budak-budak pompuan suka ah mende-mende manje camni."

Pergh. Semalaman dok berdiscuss dengan roomate pasal 'jual-jual' benda ni. Bila pikir balik, macam ada betul jugak cadangan roomate saya tu. Sambil-sambil berkongsi minat, why don't I try to sell them online kan? Apa pendapat korang?

Tadi ada jugak survey-survey kat blog yang jual gift. Tapi tak banyak pun yang jual felt keychain macam ni. Kira agak limited jugak, maybe sebab nak produce/making felt keychain ni a bit complicated kot sebab ianya dah kira macam handcraft, totally kena buat dengan tangan. Memang tak guna mesin punya. Diorang jual pun dalam rate harga RM 4.00 to RM 5.00. Harga pasaran. Korang rasa okay tak kalau saya jual dengan rate harga yang sama?

So sekarang saya nak wat survey dulu. Kalau ada sambutan, saya boleh start take order dari korang. Ni kira online selling. Korang boleh decide dan inform saya bentuk atau item ape yang korang nak. Contoh : Boleh refer pada gambar di atas. Nak handbag ke, cupcake ke, terserah. Kalau nak item yang takde dalam gambar kat atas pun boleh as long as I can make it. Jangan mintak yang susah-susah pulak macam robot Transformers ke. Naya ah, memang saya takleh buat tu. Lagi satu, korang boleh pilih combination warna (2-3 warna) mengikut citarasa korang. Kalau nak ada 'words' a.k.a perkataan macam nama korang atas items tu pun boleh. Nanti dah siap saya akan pos terus ke alamat korang. Simple and easy kan kan kan =)

Ehs lagi satu, kalau ada yang berminat nak order 'puppet' ni, sila inform saya jugak. Ni pun fully handmade tau. Untuk sesiapa yang bakal jadi guru ke, yang kerja kat taska ke, yang ada adik-adik or anak sedara, bolehlah guna puppet ni untuk 'mengajar' ataupun bercerita kat diorang. Seperti biasa, korang boleh bagitau pilihan warna yang korang suka dan order kat saya. Okay? *wink*


Sila tinggalkan pendapat, cadangan dan order korang di ruangan komen di bawah ataupun email to : fiona_girl88@yahoo.com.



p/s: Bulan Disember ni saya cuti semester, so kalau sesiapa nak tempah baju kurung biasa atau jahitan manik pada baju, boleh contact saya melalui email. No fon akan diberi melalui email. Kain atau baju kurung (untuk manik) boleh pos direct ke rumah saya terus. Bagi yang tinggal kat Kelantan, nak bagi hand by hand pun boleh. Tapi baju kurung biasa je yang saya amik upah, kalau baju kurung moden or baju kurung pahang, tunggu tahun depan la ye. Haha. Till then, take care people! Love.

My Wonderwall

Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional, it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.. - via book of quote.

Sense of my self expression

This song has been with me since I was sixteen. Yet it's already written in my heart =)


WONDERWALL - by OASIS

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you shoulda, somehow, realized what you gotta do 
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out 
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you 
But I don't know how

Because maybe 
You're gonna be the one that saves me 
And after all 
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you 
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do 
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you 
But I don't know how

I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all 
You're my wonderwall



 p/s: Can you sing it to me? ;) 

Pieces of Arts

This semester I'm taking The Teaching of Arts and Visual as the minor course. Actually it's a compulsory minor course for B.Ed Tesl before ending our six years of learning. Well this course is for the purpose of training the teacher to teach arts and visual to the students. We have to prepare some lesson plans and materials for the students. Truthfully speaking I'm failed when it comes into drawing parts. I don't have the 'talent' at all. Pathetic enough. *sigh*

During the class, I've made some 'arts' to be sent to the lecturer as my portfolio. Although they were not perfect as others, but I felt a bit satisfied because I made them by my own! Wahaaa! Okay less talking, let the pictures talk and smile =P

 

Done with the course.. Fuhh..

Sick

Today I get sick,
a fever comes to hit,
I want to eat a bubur nasik,
living in this place and feeling like shit,
to go home I must know the trick,
but I won't be able to make it fix,
and I just can play the rick.



-evagurl
-4th October 2011/4.30 p.m.

Happy Birthday To You

Happy birthday little boy Hamzah Ian,

• May God bless you in everything you do
• May this birthday gives you a lot of sweet memories
• Just believe that you area wonderful, unique person
• Trust that you are a once-in-all-history event
• Always learn to accept your own uniqueness
• Always learn to set priorities and make decisions
• Always learn to live with your limitations
• Always learn to give yourself the respect that is due
• It's your duty to be who you are
• I pray that you'll be the most unique and happy human being
• and you must always be able to stay one up on what used to get you down!

 

Sorry I'm not be able to prepare a great party for you, neither do I have a big birthday present for you, I only have the doa' that will always be with you.. Insha Allah. Amiinnnnn

p/s: You have grown up to be a 20+ year-old-man, but you are still a little innocent boy to me. HB adik :)

The Price of Appreciation

I once was being asked,
why I left the past,
why I took the chance,
I just smile and glance,
because it's not the price,
but the love that arise.

The question of why,
could be answered because of a guy,
just an ordinary guy,
not a doctor or a contractor,
neither a model nor a billionaire,
has less compared to others,
as for the reasons of love,
with the sincerely acceptance,
my heart widely opened,
even he has nothing to be impressed,
for my own self he's the best.

A smile begins instead of sad,
a worry turns out to be glad,
no loneliness, no fear exist,
the feeling of knowing I have him,
besides me for every breathe,
with his shoulder that I need,
for the tears and the bleed,
I pray for a bless,
dream of everlast,
hope with no harsh.

When the wedding is in show,
I want him to know,
I'll hold his hand, bend in low,
saying that "Although you are leaving, I'll never let you go.." 


-evagurl-
-30th September 2011
-2.15 a.m.



p/s: Im not a poet, I don't follow the poem rules, thus it's just my talking soul.

Officially I'm 23!

22nd September 1988.

Today, 22nd September 2011. I'm officially 23 years old.

Happy birthday Izma =)

Truthfully speaking, I did not remember my birthday because last night we were so busy editing some lesson plan to be submitted before next week. Pathetic enough right?

Well who cares. I still got some surprises for my birthday! Walaweh~

So here they are! *wink* ;

• As I came back from my friend's room, I got a sms;

          Thanks for being the first one! Haha :-P

• I also received other sms from Aya, Mas, Mcna and etc. Thank you so muchiesssss!   

• Oh my mom made my day by sending this:

 

Thank you mama! I love you more than love! You're the best mom I ever have! ♥

• Hey guess what? I got 6 BAND T-SHIRTS from someone for my birthday present! Awww that's so awesome! Pretty cool enough! Yay!

• After taking my morning bath, I rushed to take my food. When I tried to lock my room, I found that my keys are attached to something:  

  Omg!! It's very cute! Thank you so much Lin, only God knows how much I appreciate this! Im really thankful for your efforts and your time for making this cute love for me. Love you too!

• Lastly, thanks for non-stop birthday wishes from my facebook friends. Really appreciate it. Thank you! ♥

Her biggest day

The wedding of my closest cousin. It was on 9th September 2011. Since I was in Malacca and I was not be able to make it home, I only could see the pictures which were uploaded in the facebook. Pathetic enough huh. *tears*

Her wedding dress was made by Rizman Ruzaini. Her wedding official photographer was Muein Mahadi. Her beautiful cousin named Izma. Wahaha! =P

Since I only have their pictures (no pictures of mine..sob..sob..sob) , mind me sharing them with you.

SOLEMNIZATION

 

 

 

 

RECEPTION

 

 

 

 

 

OUTDOOR

p/s: Some of my friends thought that I was the bride because they said that our face look similar to each other. Are we? =P