before and after

Lately I've been thinking a lots especially when it comes into the part of being myself. For those years, I've missed many good things in my life. Hell yeah I feel bad. So bad.

First, I regret that I trust some people so much till I ignore some other things that are very important in my life. Then I realised that I didnt spend much time with my family as I thought that friends can understand me the most. Totally Im wrong because we can't find good people in a cheap store. They come and they go without knowing how meaningful they are for us. As my world is falling apart, the one that will stay beside me will be my family even they dont know or understand what's the matter but at least I still have them rite?

Second, there's some people that I think as the best friends in the world before they turning into hypocrite and back stabbing person. Well at least I got some lesson. So I will never care about them anymore because they will ruin my life as they did before. I might forgive but I'll never forget what you've done. I sacrificed my time, my feeling just to respect you as you are but you betrayed our friendship to hell. So if you feel down again, dont you ever try to find me because for me you are nothing!

Third, I missed the old me. I missed the time when I tried to learn how to play those musical instruments and listened to the creative rhytm/melody. Sincerely I wish I can spend my precious moments with mr. milk mari, talking about music and sharing our experiences. We've known each other for four years yet I still feel that having a great brother as you is one of the best things in my life. Eventhough we fought for some reasons, but we still can accept each other right? I know it might sound silly because you always says that don't easily trust other people especially yourself but let we appreciate those people around us before we lose them.

Fourth, love hurt me the most. When the door of happiness closed, another door opens but often times I look so long to the closed door that I don't see the one that has been opened for me.. Oh God, can you give me the second chance to open the door back? Because I hope I can enter into that door for the next four years..

Lastly, the truth is Im a sinner. Thus, Im in the process of inhealing myself to be someone I deserve to be + being a good servant of God. After all, I know where should I lead to - I'll be bound to earth. So many nights I can't sleep, thinking whether I can have a place in heaven. Did the angels write my name in the right or the left side? God, I beg Your grace on me and I confess to You my sins. So forgive me, for none is there to forgive sins but You...